D41: A letter to my wife...

Here's a reply I wrote to an extraordinary personal ad placed on Craigslist in San Diego. I don't think we were right for each other in the end... But she certainly inspired me....

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It is not an easy thing – this quest for love. To know that that which you yearn for most ardently is something so few will understand. Because you are that which makes you so – something that no one else in the history of this world will ever be. And how many other souls will possess the curious constellation of character, experience and predilections to really understand the essence of your being? But we do try, and thus begins our dance….

I would call myself a creative intellectual. At heart I am a deeply curious person. It is my peculiar passion to require knowledge of other’s raison d’être. But more than that, I need to know why you are who you are. What experiences and upbringing have informed your beliefs about the world? Why are you the woman you are? Only time and frank conversation will uncover this. But whether I even have the pleasure of knowing, I will always wonder. It is so for people from all walks of life. Even people I find disagreeable. Not only do I want to examine my own issues in finding them disagreeable. But I want to know what choices have lead them to the path they now follow. Just why did so-and-so become an accountant? And do they find it fulfilling? Is it because having control of something finite and manageable like numbers gives them the illusion of control in a chaotic universe?

And now back to me / you / etc.

Simple bits….

I’m 33, in the last year of a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. I imagine myself to have pretty equal development between both hemispheres of my brain in that I can be quite creative, passionate, impulsive, etc. and also very dispassionate, logical, scientific, zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Enough about that. I’ve read you ad several times at this point and I can’t honestly say whether you’ll really find me to be all there or half there. I recognize that I have a lifetime of growth ahead of me and am not satisfied with the sum of my life experiences thus far. There is so much that I want in my lifetime. But I love the arts and am very interested in the creative process. I can be terribly silly. My parents have a beautiful, inspiring marriage with a genuine love borne of true struggle and a great deal of work. Their communication is something to emulate. I exercise 6 days a week – about 10-15 miles a day on the bike and an intensive hour of exercise at a class in downtown Monday through Saturday. I have seen your gymnastics photo from a previous ad and have no doubt that you are stronger than me. I don’t care. What matters to me is finding someone I can love with all the passion of my being and know that they will return it for years to come because they are committed to building a love for the ages. I want a woman that will challenge me to grow by holding up a mirror to my many imperfections. I want her to be willing to look within herself for the same growth. Of course I don’t seek someone to blindly commit. There must be a solid foundation borne of similar beliefs, interest, character and spirit. But these things take time to uncover. What matters now is knowing whether there’s a spark… I could go on and on sprinkling out little bits of Nathan to see if you’ll bite. I could say I’ve lived abroad for 2 years. I could say I’m very fond of practicing replication ( in the context of being a very loyal serial monogamist). I could say I love foreign films and world music and really anything that’s outside the mainstream. But at some point, I just have to stop, let myself hit the pillow and find out what happens tomorrow…. That would seem to be now. Or not. Close though…

Until the next,

Nathan

P.S. My cousin in LA met her husband on CL. The odds may be slim. But when the prize can be a lifetime shared with someone capable of making your life infinitely more appealing, it’s worth sending a few bottles out now and again…